My Alien
by padfoot's prose
Summary: Tobias x Rachel series of oneshots based on My Alien by Simple Plan. ABANDONED
1. Chapter 1

**Okay, my newest story and my firts Animorphs one, YAY!!!! This is a collection of oneshots/drabbles (similar to I Want) based off the song 'My Alien' by Simple Plan. I'm not a consistant writer, and i have a huge problem with keeping myself dedicated to my stories, so lots of reviews, even if they're all from the same person are really appreciated.**

**Depending on the popularity of this (I know for a fact that there aren't as many Animorphs readers as there are Hight School Musical readers), I might start dedicating chapters to reviewers to show my appreciation for you guys. This chapter is short and not all that good, but I'm still trying to get a feel for Animorphs-style writing, so please cut my some slack for the first few chapters. Also, not that it really matters, but I haven't actually read all of the Animorphs books, but I do know how the series ends and stuff.**

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

_**"I'm sick of being alone, when are you coming home?"**_

I sat on my bedroom floor at the foot of my bed, my knees hugged to my chest. Only an hour ago I'd just gotten home from our latest mission, one that involved all of us jumping from a 25 storey building in battle morphs, and demorphing then remorphing to birds as we fell. Needless to say the mission hadn't succeeded. And inevitably tomorrow we'd all be called to meet at Cassie's barn, and we'd have to organise our next move.

As much as I enjoyed the feeling of winning – the pure confidence and power of being a grizzly, being able to destroy enemies with one bash from my paw – I hated the losing just as badly. Every win brought us closer to the end of this war, back to our normal lives, to time where my life revolved around gymnastics, school grades and the new cute exchange student. But in the same way every loss distanced us from that even further.

Marco thinks that I enjoy the war – the fighting, the strength, the _power_. And I do, I guess. I like that feeling of being able to make decisions. I'm a strong person, a leader, so it suits me to be able to choose for other people. It's like I was born to do this… that doesn't mean that I want it though.

A soft breeze drifted in through the open window, and I looked up, half-wishing that the gust would bring Tobias. He'd promised to visit me, he'd promised to talk to me, and I trusted him to keep that promise. I just wasn't sure how long he'd take.

When the wind paused, and no bird came _swooshing_ around the corner and through my window, I looked back down at my feet.

All I was wearing was an old nightgown with a jacket over the top; it was a cold night. Sadly, I was lacking a pair of warm shoes, so my feet were freezing in the night air. If I was smart I might've closed my window. But closing the window would've been like giving up hope.

He'd _promised_.

Another breeze blew in, carrying bits of leaves with it. Again I looked up, wishing for a flash of red tail, a pair of open wings.

Neither came.

I sighed and leant back against the foot of my bed, tilting my head back and letting my knees flop back to the ground.

My entire body was exhausted; I could feel my eyes drooping.

But still I waited. He was coming – I knew he was. I just didn't know when.

**Was that okay? It's difficult to relate back to the title, but I hope it worked well enough. Review?**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Animorphs isn't mine, it's KA Applegate's from what i know**

_**"Just a glimpse of your face..."**_

It was dark in the meadow, one of those nights where you can't even see the stars or the moon because it's so cloudy. There was no wind, so every rustle of a tree made my hawk senses jump, as well as my human ones.

It was too dark, too quiet, too still… and I didn't like it. I didn't like it at all. Ax was safe in his shack, and everyone else was in their houses. Warm and cosy in their beds, maybe sitting up to read by their bedside lamp. Finishing homework even I was jealous of. It'd been so long since I'd done homework. It's one of those things, those things that you're so used to that, even if you complain about it and say you won't do it, it's still always there, you still always know that really you're to have to do your homework.

One of those things, those _normal_ things… I missed homework. I really must be crazy.

Ruffling my feathers as a gust of dry wind drifted past, barely lifting the leave on the tree that I was perched, I looked around myself, carefully scanning the sky for owls or other birds and the ground for mice or rats. Maybe eating would get my mind off what I missing.

Of course, my eyesight wasn't exactly meant for the night, but when I saw an owl swoop down to catch a mouse then drop it, I just couldn't resist the risk. Pushing myself off my perch, I dived under the owl and scooped up the still creature in my talons, banking hard to the right when I felt the owl turn to follow me.

Then I realised how stupid I'd been, taking that owl's mouse. The creature in my talons was already cooling down, the last of its blood being squeezed from its dead body, but I knew it'd be no use giving it back to the owl now. Animals aren't like that. A problem isn't solved if you just give back what you've taken.

I was like a burglar stealing someone's jewellery then just apologising and giving it back, hoping that I wouldn't get in trouble for stealing in the first place. As if.

Tightening my grip on the mouse I clipped my wings and dipped down quickly as the owl came at me again, and this time I felt the scrape of his talons on my back. I wasn't going to be able to escape from this guy.

Quickly, I ran through what I could do in my head. I could land and hope that I could morph in time to scare the owl away. Unlikely. As long as I still had this guy's prey he was going to chase me. I could keep running, and hope that I lived. But where could I run to? Rachel's? Too far away. Cassie's? She'd be asleep by now. Ax was closed up in his shack. Marco would just laugh if he saw me chased by an owl. Jake? No, Tom was there. I couldn't go to Jake's.

But something was nagging on the edge of my mind. Something that someone had told me that mattered. Something that could help me.

The owl made another dive at me, and this time I dodged up, catching a light breeze which helped me up above him. Well, at least I had a plan for now.

Feeling the owl come in again from behind me, I dodged up again, and waited a second for the owl to appear below me before dropping my load.

The dead mouse fell through the air, it's tail looking lime some sort of sick kite string, before it his the owl. No matter how big the bird was he definitely hadn't expected to have a mouse dropped on him. I smiled inwardly as I felt him fall back, indecisive between getting his prey and getting me.

Well, at least Rachel would be proud of my tactics, no normal bird would've thought to drop a dead mouse on their pursuer.

Catching another slight breeze under my wings I pumped them to get myself higher up, and, squinting as much as a hawk could, I could see the lights of Cassie's house. Soaring towards there didn't take long, and once I noticed that the light were on I knew that she couldn't be the only one home.

--Right-- I said myself, mentally rolling my eyes. Rachel had mentioned that she sleeping over at Cassie's tonight. That was what I'd forgotten. Heading straight to what I was pretty sure was Cassie's window, I'd forgotten about the owl when he came in for his next attack.

All I knew was that suddenly I was going down, instead of straight ahead, and what seemed like a 747 was looming down on me overhead. Apparently, the owl had decided that because I lost him his old prey, I was the new prey.

Letting out an involuntary squawk, I tried to adjust my wings so that I could get to Cassie's window, but the bird above me was forcing me down to the ground, unable to grab me properly while I was still flying.

--Cassie! Rachel!-- I called desperately, trying to turn just a little and escape from underneath the owl.

My ears picked up on the sound of a window opening, and as I shot past the window I could see Cassie's head poked out it, watching in horror as the owl bore down on me.

--Help!-- I repeated, trying to get across the urgency in the situation. Withdrawing her head back inside, Cassie closed the window and disappeared. Tried turning a sharp corner and managed to gain a little bit of altitude, but still the owl pushed me further down. I felt one of his talons strike my back and instinctively dived further down.

It shouldn't have surprised me when I felt my chest touched the ground, but it did, so ended up landing with a forwards roll before coming to a stop. The owl hovered above me, wide amber eyes looking down at me greedily.

I was the burglar, and he was the cop. Only cop didn't usually eat lawbreakers.

--Help!-- I shouted out one last time, desperately scrabbling on the stony ground.

"Shoo!" Cam a much louder voice from behind me, and I twisted my head around to see Rachel running towards me and owl, waving her arms around to scare the owl. Looking shocked, I could see the moment of thought in the owl's eyes as it fought two instincts: guard its prey and run from predators. Deciding that Rachel was more trouble than I was worth, it took off, disappearing above our head faster than I'd thought possible in the still air.

"Tobias!" Rachel called, arriving by me and kneeling down next to me. "What were you doing?" Her tone was a mix between worry, scolding and relief, but she smiled when I hopped to my feet, looking up at her with my piercing hawk eyes.

I'm fine.-- I said, squawking quietly as I ruffled my feathers. –Just a bit of a situation.--

Cassie arrived next to Rachel, rubber boots on her fee and pair of thick gloves. "Rachel, you shouldn't have gone near that owl without gloves!" She said. "What if it had decided to attack you?"

Rachel laughed. "As if an owl would attack me."

"It could of," Cassie insisted, looking away from her best friend to check that I was okay. "Did it get you?" She asked me, her 'vet voice' on.

-- yes, I think it might've cut my back earlier -- I answered only now remembering it scrape my back as it had forced me down.

Cassie immediately turned me around to look at my back; I stood still and waited for her to finish her examination, wishing I could still see Rachel.

"Why was an owl chasing after you, anyway?" asked Rachel, moving her legs so that she could lie on her front next to me, now in my sight.

-- I might've taken its mouse. -- I said, still a bit embarrassed from the entire ordeal.

"Why did you do that?" she asked, sounding more amused than concerned by now.

"I'm going to go get some ointment for this cut," Cassie said from behind me, reminding me of her presence. "Wait here."

Me and Rachel both watched her go before I shook my head and started morphing. There's a much faster way to get rid of injuries when you're an animorph.

Once I was fully human I looked down at Rachel, smiling self-consciously.

"So why _did_ you take that poor owl's mouse?" She asked standing to meet my eyes.

I shrugged; glad to be able to master at least one human expression.

"Were you hungry?" she asked, worried again.

"No, I'm getting plenty of food."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," I answered insistently, meeting her eyes with a confidence that I'd never had before being a hawk. "I'm fine. I was just bored or something. You don't need to worry about me."

She rolled her eyes. "I'm gong to worry anyway. While I'm nice and safe and warm in my bed and you're out on a branch in the middle of a cold, exposed meadow. So don't ask me not to worry."

I laughed. "I like you worrying," I admitted. "It makes you more Rachel, less Xena. I don't think I remember Xena ever worrying about others."

"She must have," Rachel said. I just shrugged again.

There was silence for a moment, as I looked Rachel up and down. It seemed that in her haste to help me she hadn't bothered to change from her pyjamas, and it looked strange seeing her in her white nightgown out on Cassie's lawn.

Her hair was tied back in a simple bun, but a few wisps of it were falling over her face. I smiled as I reached out my hand to brush them back behind her ear. It was stranger still to see Rachel blush at my tiny gesture of affection, and the red tinge in her cheeks made her even more beautiful in my eyes.

After a moment, we both looked down, embarrassed, but my eyes flickered up to meet hers pretty soon.

A movement by Cassie's house caught my eye, and I saw that she'd opened the front door and was coming back outside, a bottle of ointment in her hands. Shaking my head, I began morphing back to hawk, my gaze fixed on Rachel's flawless face as I shrunk back to the ground and feathers started sprouting on my body.

Cassie was a little put off when she found out that I'd gotten rid of the cut, but just left again, telling Rachel that she'd meet her back in her room.

We stayed there for a while, just Rachel and me. Hawk and girl. Beauty and beast, if you like.

"I'm glad you're okay," she finally said, breaking the trance and looking down at me. I nodded, dipping my little hawk head at her, then clambered up the arm she offered me, perching on her shoulder.

Although it made the hawk in me uncomfortable, it felt wonderful for the human part of me when she turned her head and placed a soft kiss on the side of my neck. I knew that hawk didn't really feel attachment to anything. The only things that they really cared about were themselves, their territory and their prey, but anything past that was just par of the world, not really the hawk's business. It was nice to be human. To be able to feel that human attachment to people. To be able to like them like that. Like how I liked Rachel. Much more than admiration, which would be a stretch for any creature. Sure, the hawk knew that the owl was more powerful than him, but he didn't admire him, he didn't respect him, it was just a fact. Owl beats hawk, simple, like how a hawk beats a mouse.

Noticing Rachel's bright blue eyes on me, I touched my beak swiftly to her cheek before pushing off her shoulder and soaring into the night sky.

I wasn't worried about how I'd fel when I got back to my tree. The too dark sky and too quiet clearing weren't as intimidating now. All I'd had to do was to see her, to know that she'd make sure I made to tomorrow, and every day after that as long as she could help me. It was nice, being cared about.

And even in the pressing dark where no moon or stars could be seen past the clouds, when I closed my eyes I could see Rachel, feel her lips on my feathered neck and her eyes boring into mine. All I'd needed was glimpse of her face.


	3. Chapter 3

**Okay, so no, I'm not dead. I've just had hectic school stuff going on. And a bit of a writing drought. But I still amaned to write this, and i don't mind it which is good. Wow, I honestly don't know exactly what I used to be able to babble on about for so long...**

**Disclaimer: Nope, Animorphs belongs to K.A.Applegate and Schoolastic (I think)**

_"I can remember smelling your hair"_

I was in human morph, but with less than half-an-hour left. The afternoon had been fun, I guess. I'd been with Rachel. We saw a movie. A short one. But still, even short movies go for at least an hour and a half. This particular one had gone a little bit over time. So here I was, outside the mall, standing awkwardly at the doors waiting for Rachel who'd been ambushed by a school friend asking for homework. Needless to say the 'school-talk' made me a little uncomfortable, not to mention the crowds rushing about in mobs. I needed to get outside. I just hoped Rachel would understand.

Cars rushed past on the road, but they weren't nearly as bad as the people inside. Cars, I could cope with. Even in my meadow I can sometimes hear cars go past. People though, bushwalkers and such, are less common. So they make me uncomfortable.

"Tobias?" I looked up from my sharp analysis of a fence post across the road. I sometimes zone out a bit when I'm thinking.

"Hey, Rachel." She stood beside me, close-ish, I guess.

"Why did you go?"

I shrugged uncomfortably, "I just felt… crowded. And awkward. I never really know what to do in this morph."

Rachel's expression darkened, like a shadow had fallen over her face. "Tobias, this isn't a morph-"

"Look," I cut her off. This conversation was a pretty regular one between us. "Not now. Please, not now. I have about ten minutes left, and that's cutting it closely – can't we just do something, instead of arguing?"

I could tell Rachel was about to argue back, so I just turned and began walking away, leaving her to frown at my back.

I didn't really know where I was going, but I guessed Rachel would follow wherever. Her footsteps echoed behind me as she jogged to catch up.

"Okay," she said, falling into step beside me. "No arguing."

I glanced at her, my eyebrows raised in what I hoped was an incredulous expression. "Really?"

She nodded, her long hair swinging with the movement. "Really."

I smiled.

We walked for a little while in silence, just being with each other, like this, was enough for now.

Five minutes must have passed before either of us spoke again.

"So where are we going?" Rachel asked, curiosity buried in her tone.

"I'm not really sure, I'm just sort of going where me feet take me." I admitted, looking sheepish.

"Well, I know where we could go, and it isn't far from here."

"Where?"

I flinched when she grabbed my hand, but still let her pull me to a stop and spin me around to face her.

Her fingers laced through mine, and she looked down somewhat shyly. I smiled at. I never thought I'd see the day when Rachel was shy, least of all about this. She was always so confident, so sure of what she did. I was usually the shy one, and stupid as it felt to admit.

"So where exactly are we going?" I asked.

Rachel bit her lip, hiding a grin. "It's not far."

"Okay."

"Close your eyes."

"Why?"

"Just do it."

Cautiously, I closed my eyes, feeling very vulnerable in the middle of the sidewalk. What if Visser Three came? What if a controlled passed us and somehow guessed? As a hawk my vision was so relied upon, so key to survival. It felt strange not to have it.

"Come on." Only then did I notice that Rachel had been tugging on my.

Slowly, hoping that I wouldn't fall over, I let her lead me to wherever we were going.

Suddenly we stopped, and I was surprised at how little time we'd been walking for. Literally less than a minute.

"Can I open my eyes now?"

"Nope, not yet."

I panicked for a moment when Rachel released my hand. But she assured me she wasn't going to run away and I calmed down. I couldn't shake the feeling of being like the seeker in an eight-year-old game of hide and seek. And most of my experience of playing that had involved me being deserted. Not exactly what I'd describe as my best memories. But admittedly not my worst either.

"Rachel?"

"I'm just here?" Her voice came near by, but still I wasn't particularly comforted.

"What exactly are you doing?"

"You'll see."

I groaned.

"If your legs are getting tired you can lean agisnt the wall behind you."

I took a few steps back and felt something solid. Haltingly, I relaxed against it, unsure if it would take my weight. It felt solid enough. "Thanks."

"Pleasure." Suddenly she wasn't at all far away. In fact, I could feel her breath tickling my lips.

"Can I open my eyes?"

"Yep."

I opened them. But for all that I saw I might've well have been in a dream. Rachel was in front of me, close in front of me. Her hair was splayed over her shoulders. A teasing smile danced on her lips.

She leant in.

My breath hitched, but she took no notice. Her lips pressed against mine, kissing me softly. All I could do was kiss her back.

Then she kissed me again. And again. It was bliss, really. See, hawks don't kiss. And if someone were to kiss a hawk, it wouldn't like it much. For humans, though, it's notably different.

Rachel was kissing me, which, in itself was amazing. Her hands had fallen to rest around my neck, burrowing slightly into the longer parts of my hair that fell to the back of my neck. I was holding her around the waist, pulling her closer and closer to me until there were no gaps between us.

This had to be one the things I missed about being human. People our age, people like Jake and Cassie, have the wonderful freedom to kiss whenever they want. Sure, they can't do it in front of their parents or anything, but they definitely don't have to worry about two hour time limits. Not like us. Which is why I, somewhat reluctantly, pulled away.

Rachel sighed. She knew I didn't have much time yet. All ready we'd cut it pretty close. I should've demorphed a few minutes ago. But I couldn't, not before saying goodbye.

I let out a deep breath and dropped my head to her shoulder, nuzzling to her neck. Her hair fell around me, completing my bliss. The smell of her shampoo, sweet and fruity, surrounded me. Her silky golden tresses caressed my cheeks. I didn't want to leave.

Closing my eyes, I inhaled deeply, wishing I could imprint this moment into my memory forever. What if I could keep this perfect, pristine memory, so that whenever I was in my meadow, cold, wet and miserable, I could re visit and feel what I felt now. If only. I took another deep breath, wishing I could will time into stopping and letting me stay here forever.

It didn't work. Cars still passed on the nearby street, the sound dampened a little in the alley we'd escaped into. I sighed.

Opening my eyes, I placed a light kiss on Rachel's neck, feeling her pulse hammering rapidly beneath my lips. So she did get nervous.

I don't know how I managed to pull away. I don't know how I managed to give her one last kiss on her lips, then turn and crouch in the shadows to demorph. I don't know how she could watch me as I changed from an awkward, gangly teenage boy to a thin, swift hawk. I do know how I flew away though.

Because after I'd demorphed, after I'd left the person, the world that I'd once belonged to, Rachel came over to me and lifted me onto her arm. And just before I tensed myself to push off her shoulder and fly away, a gentle breeze had snuck into the alley. Even my weak, hawk sense of smell could pick up on the sweet smell of fruity shampoo.

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**Okay, so R&T are a little older in this one, but I wanted to put a kiss in!!**

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	4. Chapter 4

**I know i haven't written this for a while, and this isn't exactly to-quality writing, but i sort of wrote this because i felt inclined to write it, not because i felt inspired, so, although that's a pretty pathetic excuse, it's the only one i have to offer. Wow, that was a long sentence.**

**Disclaimer: Animorphs belongs to KA Applegate and Scholastic. Ie, not me.**

_**4. I'll meet you anywhere somewhere that no one can retrace, somewhere where nobody will know our faces.**_

I flew. Just flew. Endlessly, mindlessly. I only had one thought in my mind. _Rachel_. Apart from that one singular bit of sanity that I'd managed to conserve, there was nothing. Nothing at all.

It happened every so often, but not usually like this. One day, I'd see something or someone, and whatever it was that I saw would freak me out. It would make me remember with startling clarity that I was like this. I was a _hawk_. Forever. And, in all honesty, that scared me from time to time. I mean it was hardly like I could compare my life with someone else's. Sure, I could look at one of friends, Jake or Marco, and think, _well, look at what they've given up, I should be grateful for what I have_. Because, really, I hadn't given up much.

I hadn't given up family or friends. I hadn't given up a future. None of those things had ever existed for me before now. In fact, I'd gained all those things now. Ax was my uncle. It was amazing, I'd felt wonder beyond compare to find that out. Okay, so wonder _almost _beyond compare. Because, in a way, I had _more_ family, not just Ax. I had Rachel. She was family. Not technically, not in a way that people would ever notice, people besides the other Animorphs that is. But, I knew that one day in the far off future, we would be family. We'd be together. Properly.

But that, of course, was the problem.

Like I said, I'd gained everything: friends, family and future. _Future_.

The word seemed to whisper in the midday breeze through the treetops far below me. Everything I heard and saw, everything I felt, was changing. Not in the big sense. Not like how a seed will one day change into an enormous tree, not in a big, overwhelming, 'wow' way.

It was the small bits of future that suddenly scared me. Like, say, my future. I was a _bird_. So, every time I saw a falcon hitch his wings and fall into a dive to reach his prey, I winced internally. Because, inevitably, that falcon would one day die. One day, maybe not for five years, maybe not for ten, but still, _one day_, that falcon would be too slow to catch his prey. His dive would be messy and loud. His wings patchy with lost feathers. His entire body covered in battle scars from birds who'd stolen his previous meals and homes. And then, one day, he wouldn't exist. He'd _die_. Just like a bird should.

Just like I should.

The human in me shivered. The bird felt it as an uncomfortable prickle on my skin. It was distracting me from flying. Luckily, though, there wasn't much flying left to do.

--Tobias? Is that you?-- Rachel's thought speak interrupted my thoughts, and quickly I scanned the skies for a bald eagle.

--Yeah, it's me--

My dull mood must've showed in my words.

--Are you okay?-- I considered saying yes. I considered pretending that nothing was bothering me, that I'd just requested a random midday flight with her for no reason. I didn't think she'd believe me, but she would've let it go, I was sure. Rachel was like that; she wouldn't push you to say something that you didn't want to say. She'd just wait for it to come out. But I wanted to say this.

--No, not really.-- I paused, waiting for her to interrupt me. She stayed silent as she finally dropped into my sight from above me, coming to glide a few metres to my left. --But can we talk about this on the ground? You'll have to morph out soon anyway.--

--Sure.-- In unison, we tilted our wings and headed towards the ground. I folded my wings in a little to speed up, and pulled out of my descent in front of Rachel a bit.

-- This way,-- I said. She didn't show any sign of confusion, and adjusted her angle to follow me.

The trees were thick in the area of forest that I chose for us to land in, but I liked it like that. There was hardly any chance that I'd see a bird, for starters. And, if someone came looking for us they'd take a while to find us.

Rachel demorphed quickly, frowning as her human face merged from the thick, hard beak of an eagle. I watched her in silence, wondering whether I was feeling disgusted or awed. Morphing was sometimes like that to watch. Although, other times it was just plain disgusting.

She stretched a bit and sat down on the ground beside the tree that I was perched on. I hoped down a few branches to be closer to her, not that it was really necessary.

"So, what's up?"

--I'm going to die-- I figured that bluntness would get my point across best.

Rachel's eyes widened and she looked up at me with a panicked expression. "What!?"

I ruffled my feathers – a nervous habit – and tried again. --One day, like any other…-- I struggled for a suitable word, but could only find one -- Like any other bird… I'm going to die.--

Now Rachel was frowning, probably angry with me for the worry I'd put her through, not that she'd veer admit it. Another good thing about Rachel – she wasn't big on talking about feelings. Neither was I. In fact, talking about people's feeling made me nervous. Was I the only person who didn't always understand what I was feeling?

"For a second there I though you meant that you had cancer or something. You really scared me!"

I think she was joking. It wasn't funny. -- Well, maybe it will be cancer that does it. Maybe one day I just won't be fast enough and strong enough to beat off the next animal that decides that I look like a tasty snack. I don't know what will do it, but, either way, I'm going to die.--

This time Rachel shrugged. "So? Everyone dies naturally eventually. I'm going to die too if want to put it that way, but you don't hear me freaking people out by bringing them to meet in the middle of the forest about it."

If I'd been human I would've rolled my eyes. Did she not understand how important it was for her to get this? Apparently not.

-- How long does the average human live?-- I shot at her, hoping that she'd know. I sure didn't.

"I don't know. Maybe eighty?"

Good enough. –Exactly. Now, how long does the average bird live?--

"Ten?"

--If we're lucky.--

She didn't seem perturbed. "But you're not an average bird, Tobias. You can morph away injuries and diseases. You'll be healthy for as long as you can morph."

I shook my head, an automatic gesture even though it lost its meaning when a bird did it. – No. This bird, me, I'm still going to die sooner than you are.—

She seemed unconvinced. "Why?"

--I'm aging.—

"No you're not. None of our morphs age. If our morphs aged then the flea or cockroach that we morph would probably be dead by now."

I leapt off my branch and glided to the ground, landing more smoothly than I'd expected a few feet in front of Rachel.

--Yes, _morphs_ don't age. But this isn't a morph is it?—

She shook her head, either not believing me or not wanting to. "No. That can't be right. You're still _you_. The human you. The body that you're in, it's just a morph."

--Do you really believe that? That this… form… isn't me?—

She looked undecided, her expression torn. She could see what I meant, and she knew I was right. She was still aging wasn't she? Her, Jake, Cassie, Marco, Ax. They were all still growing, turning from kids into adults.

"Ten years?" She repeated, her voice uncharacteristically weak.

I stayed silent. I couldn't tell her the truth. Less was the truth. A lot less than ten years.

A single tear ran down her cheek, startling me. Rachel never cries. Never. I couldn't believe that this, even something as serious as death, would do this to her.

"How soon?" Her hands were covering her face, wiping away the tears, so her voice was muffled.

I didn't answer.

"How soon?" She moved her hands, dropping them back to the ground and fixing her slightly puffy eyes on me.

I was still silent. In all honesty I didn't know. It all depended on the age of the hawk's body. The exact average life span. The hawk's family history. Its susceptibility to diseases. Eventually the war would finish, and I was pretty sure that I'd be able to last until then. The body I was in was still young and fit.

But, after the war, when I was no longer as active. When I no longer morphed away the injuries and the pain. Then it would show.

"How soon!"

I jumped at her voice, demanding angry and closer to me than I'd expected. She'd leant forward, and I could see each individual follicle of her hair. I averted my gaze –staring at anyone this close with hawk vision wasn't very pleasant, even staring at Rachel. It was only because I looked away that I noticed them. I squawked and took flight, trying desperately to pull myself high enough to attack the two men pointing their guns at Rachel and me.

Noticing my reaction, Rachel spun around, freezing when she saw the men.

"Don't move!" One of them raised his gun a bit, aiming properly at Rachel.

Her eyes were wide with fright as she slowly raised her hands. I didn't see how she could be any sort of threat to them. She was in a leotard and her feet were bare. She could hardly pull a grenade out of her pocket - she didn't have any pockets.

"What are you doing here?"

Here? What was so bad about being here? I tried to gain some more altitude without being noticed by them. Trying to be subtle about it, I moved closer to the tree that they were under.

"I-" Clearly Rachel had no more idea of what this place was than I did. "I didn't know that I wasn't allowed here."

"There are sign on all the tracks, and none of the major ones lead to here. Unless you weren't hiking."

Quite frankly, I didn't see how they could've thought that she was hiking judging by her clothes, but I guess there was no other logical way for her to get here. Or at least no way that they knew of. I struggled the get above the guy who was speaking.

"Yes, I was hiking. But I got lost last night."

I couldn't keep hovering above the man, but, with the both men still pointing their weapons at Rachel, I couldn't attack. Worried, I backed off a little, perching as quietly as I could on a branch. I was still right above the men's heads. If they showed one sign of shooting I'd be on them in a second.

The man looked doubtful. "Lost?"

"Yes!" Rachel nodded quickly, improvising. "I, um, I was going to the bathroom, only I couldn't find my way back to the group. I waited for a while but no one came to get me. So I thought that I should keep on going to look for them. I think I went the wrong way though."

If the situation weren't so serious I would've laughed. Luckily, these men seemed likely to judge Rachel on her blonde hair and beauty instead of her tough eyes and the utter confidence that seemed like an aura around her.

"Well, you wandered the wrong way. This is a restricted military zone. Only certain personnel are allowed here. You are in danger just being so close to the shooting range."

The words made my tiny little hawk-heart beat even faster. Shooting range? Why hadn't we seen it? I cursed myself for being so caught up in my own worries. Look how close I'd been to putting both em and Rachel in danger!

"Oh." Rachel, though, looked unconcerned. "I'm sorry. I didn't know."

The man lowered his gun a little, but the second man beside him kept his grip steady. The first man spoke again. "Who were you talking to?"

I panicked again. How was she going to answer that?

"I though I heard the people who I'd been hiking with. I was calling out to them."

"There was no one here besides us, and we weren't talking." The second man seemed a bit sharper than his comrade, and that wasn't a good thing.

"I could _swear_ I herd something…"

The first man turned to the second. "She could have been hearing the gun-shots from the range," he suggested.

The second man mumbled something incoherent, but he sounded unconvinced.

I decided that this was m opportunity.

-- Morph!— I hissed to Rachel, watching her in the corner of my eyes to check that she did as I said. I almost sighed in relief as she obeyed – a light, feathered pattern began to appear across her skin.

The second man noticed and looked up to steady his gun. That was when I took my chance to strike.

Talons forward, I screamed as I descended on the unsuspecting men, raking their hands and making them drop their guns.

"Aah! It's a freaking bird!"

I felt insulted. I wasn't just any bird.

Shooting past, it turned to come back at them. One of them had managed to keep a hold of their gun though, and, before I cold hurt him again, he shot at me. Bullet whizzed past, scaring me but leaving me unharmed. The rifle that he had wasn't designed for close combat and his shots were wonky anyway. Behind the men, Rachel had almost finished morphing.

--Fly! Get into the air or into the trees, don't let them see you!— As I swept past the men again I tried to make the one with the rifle drop it, but I didn't have the speed of height that I'd had before, and my raking talons were virtually useless. I didn't want to do any real damage anyway.

Rachel spread her large wings and pumped them hard, trying to get her still shrinking body into the air. I was straining for altitude too, but, being smaller, was progressing more than she was.

By the time the men had turned, Rachel and me were both above their head, and they didn't consider look up as they began frantically searching for the girl who'd been with them only a minute of two ago.

Rachle was laughing as we pulled up above the treetops and caught a light breeze sweeping us homeward.

--Haha! That was great! Who knew that there was a military place here?—

I, on the other hand, was slightly more panicked. --That was much too close. You did realise that they both had guns didn't you?—

She laughed again. –They weren't going to shoot.—

--They could've though—I pointed out.

--But they _didn't_.—she clarified. –You're starting to sound like Jake. Getting so worried about such a little thing.—

If I'd been human I would've rolled my eyes. Instead, being a hawk, I looked down at the patchwork of forest below us. –Hey, Rachel?—

--Yeah?—

--Can you even pick out the bit of forest we were in a second ago?—

She looked down too, her bald-eagle's eyes examining the thick woods. Then she laughed. --No. So we'll never be able to go back there and apologise to those men!—

She still thought it all was a joke. I, for one, was glad to get out of it unharmed.

--Rachel?—

--Yeah, Tobias?—

--You're insane, you know.—

Still laughing madly, she swept into a dive and rocketed down, flaring her wings just above the trees and then pushing herself all the way back up to where I was. --Yeah. I know.—

I laughed with her now. Maybe she was right in the first place. What was I doing, worrying about death? In the end it had been much more fun to be so close to death and get out of it. Maybe it was better like that, not to live always fearing death, but to live and enjoy it. I guess I already knew that, but now the words had some clarity in them, some truth.

I laughed again.

--We should do that more often.— I suggested.

--Do what?—

--Get lost in the middle of the woods. Almost get shot. Then get out of it only to find that we have no idea where we were.—

Rachel was silent for a moment, thinking. Finally, she answered, --Yeah, we should.—She stayed silent, but I could feel the punch line coming. --And you said I was insane?--

**Urgh, i just couldn't link that to the title properly.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Okay, so it's been a while. There is a small story behidn the posting of this chapter, so if you want to know about ti read on: I'm leaving for camp tomorrow, and I've been complaining cos obviously I have no internet at camp. And then tonight, I thought, hang on, why does it amtter if I have no internet, it isn't exactly like I've been madly posting stories lately. That led to me feeling guilty, which led to me writing this.**

**By the way, this story has been majorly compressedm so now there are only two more chapters to go. Sorry, but it so hasn;t been working, and I keep getting all these new story idea but what with this being unfinished and Missing Pieces and Forever And A Day, I feel liek i just can't strat ANOTHER story until I fifnish a few of these.**

**Discaimer: So not mine. Ha, I wish!**

**_"She has two arms to hold me, four legs to wrap around me..."_**

This mission was dangerous, that much we had all known. But _this_ dangerous? I, for one, hadn't thought that it would come to this.

I waited impatiently in the small room that we'd agreed to meet up in. On the ground, a wolf, Cassie, sat. Her muzzle was bloody and one of her claws still had a piece of flesh hanging from it. I'd noticed this some time ago, but didn't have the heart to point it out. After all the death and destruction that we'd already been through, there was no need to put Cassie through more torment.

Of all of us, she hated death the most. She hated having to kill. She hated having those, terrible, ruthless animal instinct. Instincts that told you to pounce and sink your teeth or claws or talons into another living creature. _My_ instincts.

Of course, she didn't object to what I did. She understood perfectly well that, as a hawk, I needed to kill to eat. I needed to sink my talons into those rats and mice and shrews. It was just a way of life for me.

If it had been a bit of flesh hanging off my claw, someone would have told me.

Rachel would have laughed. Marco would have made some joke about using cutlery. Jake would have stayed silent, having that guilty, 'it's my fault that Tobias is like that' expression on his face. Cassie might have cringed and looked away. I think Ax would have been the one to point it out. He was good like that. Sort of devoid of all those human emotions. It wasn't that he _couldn't_ feel, he just chose not to a lot of the time. Maybe that's what being trained for war does – it stops you feeling.

Sometimes I wish that that'd happened to us.

I wish that, as Cassie and I waited for the others to come, silently praying that they _would_ come, we hadn't been able to feel all that. That nervousness. That jittering, rushed feeling that makes your heat beat faster and sweat break out on your palms (or not, in my case). Impatience. Tension. Anticipation. And, of course, wondering whether or not all of this waiting is really worth it. Wondering if, really, all the others have been captured and that Hork Bajir are about to burst into the room and drag us to the Yeerk Pool too.

Fear.

Fear is a big feeling when you're in a war. I don't think it's possible to train someone not to fear. For me at least, fear is always there. Sometimes it isn't as strong and dominant as the other emotions – the hope or the happiness or the anger – but it's definitely always there. Just below the surface, threatening to engulf you the moment you let your guard down.

But, a lot of the time, I'm amazingly glad that my emotions weren't trained out of me. Because the moment that the door opens, and a couple of spiders scurry in, a dog and an andalite following them, I feel the best feelings that are possible for anyone to feel.

Love.

Hope.

Joy.

I flutter down off my perch and begin morphing. I know what I want to be right now. Who I want to be. One of the spiders starts changing too, getting bigger.

The dog stumbles over to Cassie, and for the first time I notice that one of its legs has been badly slashed. Poor Jake – that one must have hurt. Cassie whines in concern and walks over to him. They share a look, just a look, and you can tell that they love each other. A dog and wolf, a boy and girl, it's no different. Love is the same no matter what.

I'm almost fully human now, just covered in a faint pattern of feathers. Rachel is still halfway through her morph. I don't care that she's still part-spider. In my eyes she's beautiful.

Her face appears, and her stunning, long blonde hair sprouts out of her head.

She's already running towards me as a pair of spider-legs disappear into her sides.

Her expression is relieved and confident.

I don't care that all the others can see us. I don't care that she still has an extra pair of legs protruding from her hips. All I care about is her – here, now, whole and still as amazing as ever.

I grab her in my arms, and my lips find hers.

We kiss, long deep and loving. I hold her to me, as close as she can possibly be. Her legs wrap around me, and I barely notice the extra pair of spider-legs holding me close. My hands are in her soft, silky hair, threading through the strands as if trying to grip every one of them. Her hands wrap around my neck, holding her off the ground as she grips my shoulders tightly.

Eventually we both pull back, and I plaster soft kisses on her face – her cheeks and forehead and chin. She is panting, but I don't know if it's from the kissing or the morphing. The last remaining pair of legs dissolves as I pull her to me again.

Everyone else, everything else disappears. It doesn't matter. Not when I'm with her, holding her tight in my arms. I know with a startling level of certainly that this is what I want. _She_ is what I want. For now, and forever.

Rachel. Extra legs and all.

I kiss her harder, wishing this moment could never end, wishing that I could feel this instead of the constant fear, yet knowing that the fear was all worthwhile nonetheless.

No amount of training could rid of these feelings.

And no amount of war could make me want to stop feeling.

Rachel and I finally separate, and Marco shoots us an evil grin. Rachel glares, daring him to say something.

"Hey," he begins, smirking, "Cassie was eating without cutlery!"

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**Urgh, I could NOT think of a good joke. It was either going to be something about eating Rachel's face or about Cassie needing cutlery, but neither of the jokes were any good. As an excuse, I'm going to use the tired and stressed reason. Cos i really am tired (even though it's only 10 o'clock and stressed (still awaiting the results for my history and english exams).**

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